Arms of the Angel
by Lily Kalanoa
Summary: Years after the war, all the death Catches up with Heero and Duo must find life after his love is gone. WARNING: DeathSuicide


Warning: Very angsty. Tear-jerker, if you're in the right (or wrong) mood when you read this. I actually wrote this a long time ago in response to a challenge. It had to be a 1x2 where Heero dies and the song "The Angel" by Sarah McLachlen had to be used in it somehow. I started writing and this is what I came up with. Please Enjoy.

BTW: If anyone out there is wondering why I haven't updated "Secrets of Blood"(my GW and YYH crossover), I appologize. School and work combined to leave me exactly zero free time this semester. I'll be done soon, I promise.

Let's try this again. Somehow, my stuff got messed up and the separate sections ran together. So I'll try again and hope it's better now. I appologize for the funky seperators, but even after trying to fix it, it didn't work. I know this will work, it just looks funny. Dispite the goof, I've already gotten two wonderful reveiws. Thank you!

oOo  WuFei's words  oOo

"Heero didn't belong in the Preventors. After the war, I had fallen right into my new job, but it was harder for Heero. His gruff exterior scared away almost all of his coworkers. Even when he was _trying_ to be nice, Heero was a very hard man to get along with. I remember, once, I had convinced him to come to a Christmas party so he could try to make friends. I brought over several of my friends to try and talk with him, but it soon became obvious, they were only there because I was there. He did try to get along, but it just wasn't part of his nature. But he was a good man, I want to make that clear. He was always kind and valued life above everything else. It was a sad fact that any job he could manage to hold required him to destroy that which he held most dear. And as the years went on, it destroyed him as well. A good man, a kind soul, and a lost little child. The world was not kind enough to Heero Yuy."

The gathering applauds politely as Fei finishes speaking. The Chinese man looks at me, just for a moment, but hurridly turns away again. He can't stand to look at me. I watch the young man walk back to his seat and he sits heavily, head dropping into his hands.

oOoOoOo

"Heero, it's time to get up." I blinked, staring at the space beside me on the bed. He wasn't there, I should have known. He's never there. I stood groggily and stumbled to the kitchen. There he was, burning his breakfast in the pan. Laughing, I came up behind him and chased him from the stove. I salvaged the omlette and made a second one. When I was done I put the fresh omlette in front of him and sat down with the burnt eggs in front of me.

"Duo, you gave me the wrong one." He reached across the table to trade plates with me, but I smacked his hands away.

I smiled at his surprised face. "Think of it this way: we made each other breakfast!"

"But I'm a horrible cook compared to you."

I smiled at him and took a bite of the omlette. "It tastes wonderful." He smiled, giving up the argument. After three years, he'd finally learned you can't win an argument with Duo Maxwell.

The phone rang, shrill bell cutting through the air. I tensed, knowing only one person would be calling this early in the morning. Heero stood, suddenly all business, and answered it. "Hello? Yes, Noin, I understand. We'll be in right away." He hung up and turned to me. I frowned at the determined look on his face. "Come on, Duo."

I sighed and got my coat. I didn't really mind working for the preventors, but this was supposed to be our day off and I'd been looking forward to spending it wrapped around my boyfriend. And Heero was having a lot of trouble too, he needed the break more than anything. We arrived at headquarters quickly and hurried into the breifing that was already going on. Noin waved a greeting without stopping in her explanation. There was a terrorist group, or possibly just a pair of nutjobs. In either case, they were holding a school hostage.

Heero, WuFei, and I were going to go in. We hurried through the streets, following the sounds of police sirens. The school was surrounded by police, but nothing seemed to be happening. I got out of the car, slipping my jacket over the kevlar vest I'd donned, and walked confidantly up to the doors, arms raised. "Hey, anyone in there? I just want to talk, all right?"

oOoOoOo

oOo  Trowa's words  oOo

"During the war, Heero thrived. He was trained to survive the fighting, but he was never trained to survive life. He faught alongside all of us and, more times than I can count, we owed our lives to him. When he didn't find his place in the world, we tried everything to help him. It was the least we could do, but we couldn't even do that. Heero deserved so much more in life, but he didn't know how to get it. We were his friends, we knew what was going on, we did everything we could to help. But in the end, nurture couldn't beat the training. We failed him, the same way he never failed us. I want to think he's happier now because now he is free to be who he wants to be."

Applause rings through the small gathering again. I let my eyes follow the acrobat as he walks back to his seat beside Quatre. He leans forward, apparently to give his love a kiss, but Quatre stops him. For a moment the blonde's eyes lock with mine before he turns back to Trowa, shaking his head and mumbling softly to him.

oOoOoOo

Negotiations went badly, they refused to listen to anything I said. I glanced around to see that Fei and Heero had both disappeared. They had already worked their way into the school, or so I hoped. "Listen, you guys don't really want to do this. They're just kids! You really want to put them in danger? Think about it!"

There was more silence and then the unthinkable happened. "Who would take their place, you?"

My heart nearly stopped. "In a second! If you let them out of there I'd hand my life to you." Slowly the door opened and I held my breath. Inside I could see the class that had been taken hostage. One of the gunmen stood, gun trained on me; the other told the children to get out. When the last little one ran past me, I stepped inside, casting only one glance back at the police behind me.

The first gunman grabbed my braid, wrenching me around and shutting the door with a clang behind us. I glared at them and nearly did a double take when I saw how young they were. In fact, they looked even younger than we were in the war. The one holding my braid was a blonde, maybe twelve. He even had braces! The other was of African decent and couldn't be older than thirteen or so. "All right, I'm here. Now will you guys talk to me? Why are you doing this?"

He pulled my braid again, but I didn't cry out. "That's none of your business. We want the money we asked for. There's nothing more to it." I looked at him again and frowned. Surely they knew this wouldn't get them anywhere.

There was a noise down the hall and I looked that way against my better judgement. I could just make out WuFei's silhouette as he ducked back around the corner. "Listen, guys, you really don't want to do this. You know you're going to get caught. You've already done half of the right thing by letting those kids go. Now you just have to give up. You'll get a minimum punishment, you can trust me!"

The blonde was looking down the hallway. "Dude, I think I heard something. Maybe he's right, maybe this isn't a good idea."

"Shut up, he's just trying to scare us."

I rolled my eyes at the boy. "Trust me, if you don't give yourself up-"

"-You're going to regret it." Both boys whirled to the new voice. Their jaws dropped as they saw my friends, guns drawn and aimed at them. Heero opened his mouth again, "This is your last chance. Let Duo go."

The black boy jumped backward, his own gun appearing out of nowhere. I went for my weapon, but I knew I would be too slow. There was a shot and the boy went down. The blonde was already shooting down the hall. I didn't bother trying to get to cover. I had faith that I wouldn't be hit. A moment later, the other boy went down and I leapt to my feet, eager to check on my friends. I passed WuFei and noticed the frown on his lips as he ran towards the two boys. He had to check that they were dead, even though we both knew Heero never missed a shot.

Heero was leaning against the wall when I reached his side. His eyes were closed and his face was taught with the strain of containing his emotions. "Are you all right?"

"I didn't want to kill them, you know that."

"Heero, they didn't give you a choice. We gave them every opportunity." He shook his head slightly and began walking towards the exit. I followed, tried to grab hold of his hand, but he shook me off. "Heero-" He didn't even pause.

oOoOoOo

oOo  Quatre's words  oOo

"Wealth can bring you many things. It can provide houses, good food, clothes, and dozens upon dozens of people that will be your friend. But my most valued friend was a man that didn't know about my fortune when we first met. He didn't really care who you were. You could have been a millionaire or a nameless wanderer. A studious monk or the loudest and most abnoxious creature in the world. Yes, I'm talking about you, Duo." I couldn't help it, that made me smile. "He would love you, he would keep you safe, he would do anything he could for you. All he asked in return was friendship, and there were far too few willing to give that to him. A gruff exterior is only a mask that hides something sweet and caring. Heero taught me that lesson, never go just on what you can see. There are far more important things."

The applause takes a moment this time, but it is just as polite and beautiful. Instead of going back to his seat, Quatre comes over to me. He sets a hand on my shoulder and smiles at me. When he leaves he takes that warmth with him, but I know it won't be the last time I feel it. Not by a long shot.

oOoOoOo

We made our report as soon as we got back to headquarters. I was first to leave the room and Heero shut the door behind me, presumably to talk to Noin alone. Too bad for him I had never let closed doors stop me. Leaning against the door, I smiled as I was able to hear his rushed words. He didn't say much, just that he wouldn't be back in to work anytime soon. Then the door opened and I had to lean back, trying to look innocent. He frowned at me. "You don't have to pretend you didn't hear."

A pout came to my lips. "Fine, I did hear, but what were you saying? Why won't you be back at work?"

He looked at me for a moment and a flicker of sadness crossed his eyes. He looked so tired. "I can't do it anymore." He left quickly, sprinting down the stairs. Even after three years he was still faster than me. He took the car and I was left to watch his retreating tail lights. When I finally got home, the door was locked. It only took three minutes to pick the lock, but it felt like three minutes I didn't have.

There was an eerie silence in the house. Maybe he wasn't there? Could that be why the door was locked? I looked around the darkened living room and finally spotted a shred of life. His laptop was powered up, the cursor on the dark screen blinking at me. Suddenly I was nervous again.

A note. He'd left me a note. He'd left me a list of his passwords and some instructions. And he'd left me a love note. It was short, but it was none the less touching. He loved me. And he was sorry.

I jumped up from the couch. The laptop fell to the floor, but I barely noticed. I ran through the house. Heero wasn't there. I threw the back door open and burned down the street. The beach was just a mile away, that's where he would have gone. He'd always loved the beach, at least when he went there by his own free will. Or, my free will as it were, since I was the one to always suggest it. The city ended abruptly at a highway; across the paved street there was a small cliff that plunged some twenty feet to the deep ocean below. The beech itself was only another mile down the road, but I knew I was right where I needed to be.

I knelt in the tall grass, carefully leaning over the side of the cliff to gaze at the water below. My knee hit something hard and I looked down to see Heero's gun, recently fired. I began trembling uncontrollably. This had been a concern ever since the end of the war. I'd seen him fall in and out of depression, worried about what would happen if it got worse. Twice he'd attempted suicide in the past, but he'd always allowed me to stop him. I was under no misconceptions that if he hadn't wanted me to stop him, I wouldn't have been able to.

But he didn't let me stop him this time. Shakily I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. It rang for a moment before a familiar voice answered. "Hello?"

"Quatre? It's Duo." I could hear my voice shaking, but didn't have the control to stop it.

"Duo! I thought that was your number. Is something wrong?"

I held my breath for a moment, not quite sure how to put it. It wouldn't go over well if I just blurted out that Heero was gone, with no body to mourn over, no reason except two dead boys. Just two more boys on a much too long list. "Quatre, can . . . can you pick me up?"

"Sure, I can be at your house in about ten minutes."

"No, I'm not at home, Q-chan. I'm, uh, down by the highway. You'll see me."

"Duo? Is something wrong, Duo?" I hung up the phone, dropping it back into my pocket. I picked up Heero's gun, staring at it. The police would want to run tests on it, but I already knew what they'd reveal. The weapon was a source of death, murder . . . I wound up and let fly, casting the source of so much pain into the sea to be with its owner. Even if he didn't want it, he wouldn't want it to still exists in the world either.

I stood there for a moment until I heard the comforting splash. A tear rolled down my cheek and I sank to my knees in the shoulder of the road, no longer able to hold in the pain.

oOoOoOo

It's my turn to say something to everyone here. They have come to honor Heero's memory, but few of them actually understood him. I get up and walk slowly to the monument. There is no coffin, no flower wreaths. He hadn't wanted any of that. All Heero wanted was a simple rock that gave the facts, birth and death, even if the first of those wasn't entirely accurate. I hope he'll forgive me for giving him a monument, but I felt he deserved _something_. An angel. I know it's a little clichee, but it fits him, ya know? He was an angel, helping anyone that needed help even while he suffered. He always put others ahead of himself, you see. The flowers that are here are beautiful. I think everyone that came brought some and that makes it a diverse selection, perfect for someone like Heero who didn't hold any biases. No one brought roses, though. The only ones I see are the three I put there myself. One red rose, to show how rich his life was, or at least should have been. A white one because those are supposed to represent death. And a yellow for me. Red may be the color of love, but we always exchanged yellow roses. I just wanted to give him one more.

I didn't realize I'd been speaking out loud until someone starts clapping. I turn suddenly to see that it is Relena, standing quietly in the back of the circle of people. Zechs is beside her and he starts clapping too. They are both crying. In fact, most of the people standing around me are crying and one by one each of them begins to clap. The applause lasts longer than it had for anyone else and it is all the more beautiful to my ears. They aren't applauding just a speech like they had been before. They are applauding what the two of us had together. They are applauding our love.

The preacher is beside me, I hadn't noticed him move forward again and I stumble back to my seat in a sort of daze. The preacher is smiling, a sort of small, sad smile. "I'm happy to hear such wonderful things about this man that I never met. I've tried my best to fulfill his final wishes, as I know you all have, and now there is one last thing to do. He wanted to have a song played." His smile grows slightly and he turns to the angel statue and sets up a walkman. He pushes play and takes his seat  beside the statue, facing the gathered people. But he isn't looking at any of us; his eyes are closed as the music flows over him and everyone else.

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance,

For a break that would make it okay.

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,

Oh, beautiful release,

Memory seep from my veins.

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

Several of the other guests stand, getting ready to leave. They come to look at me and I stand to greet them. I don't know what it is about funerals, but everyone feels that they have to make the widow feel better. What am I saying, of course, the whole _point_ of a funeral is to make the widow feel better . . . even if we weren't married. Each of them hug me, several offer words of encouragement. A few even press small packages into my hands – gifts. I never knew some people gave gifts at funerals. Well, not so much gifts as money. It wasn't exactly a secret that Heero was the main provider and all of them assume I'll be taking some time off.

In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here,

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear.

You are pulled from the reckage

Of your silent reverie.

You're in the arms of the angel.

May you find some comfort here.

I stop when the chorus begins and I look at the small tape player. I start to cry. I had been doing so well, I had kept the tears in check. But at those words, they pour from my eyes. I can't stand anymore and I sink quietly into the chair, burrying my face in my hands. My friends see me at once and rush to my side. WuFei wraps his arms around me first, but Quatre and Trowa both find purchase for their arms as well. In a group effort they try to calm me. I lean my head against Quatre's chest and clutch at someone's shirt, I'm not sure who's.

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and theives at your back.

And the storm keeps on twisting,

You keep building the lies

That you make up for all that you lack.

It don't make no diffrence,

Escaping one last time.

It's easier than you believe.

In this sweet madness,

Oh this glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees.

I can't stand being there any longer. I stand, pushing the others away. I'm barely strong enough to lift my own arms, but the others move back when they realize I want to leave. But without their arms around me I sink back to the chair. I can almost hear their worry as they look at each other. "Let's go, guys. We'll see you later, Duo." Trowa, always the most observant; he knows I want to be alone. I'm aware of WuFei walking off, clearing the other mourners away from me and the gravesite. Quatre hugs me again, "I have my phone. Call me if you need anything at all." He refuses to move until he feels me nod against his shoulder.

In the arms of the angel

Fly away fron here,

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear.

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie.

You're in the arms of the angel.

May you find some comfort here.

Alone in the crisp spring air, I cry. I can't stop. I remember everything; every touch, every kiss, everything. Our first real date, when he took me to the circus to watch Trowa perform and we sat in the topmost bleacher and never did see him; we were . . . otherwise occupied. Or the thing before then that didn't count as a date because we didn't even get to the resturaunt because the car broke down in the middle of a thunder shower. I can feel his breath against my cheek, his shirt between my hands. I remember when he used to cook for me and I'd eat the burnt remains of chicken anyway. Or when I tried to cook for him and caught the curtains on fire. He never let me forget that, even though it was the only time I'd really failed at cooking. He wanted to travel the world. We'd seen it all before, but he wanted to do it again, as a couple, during the peace. On bikes. And I'd wanted to start a garden, but every time he helped, another plant would wither and die.

My entire body hurts. I bend over so that my chest is laying against my legs. My hair falls in stringy clumps around my head. I am going to cut it. It was the only thing he never liked that much about me. I am going to cut it as a final gift to him. Suddenly I feel warm, gentle hands massaging my back. Surprised, I open my eyes. There is a rose lying at my feet, right there in front of my eyes. A yellow rose. I sit up straight, but don't turn around. _Leave your hair, I always liked it. I just didn't let you know._ Phantom arms wrap around my chest and I lean back in the flimsy folding chair.

You're in the arms of the angel.

May you find some comfort here.

"How can I go on without you?" I reach up to my own chest, grasping the wrists that are crossed there. I can feel a chin settle into the crook of my neck. _You have to._ I don't dare turn around no matter how tempting it is. I know, the moment I look, he will be gone and I will never see him again. I'm still crying, my whole body aches. He can't leave, he _can't_! I can feel his breath against my cheek, his skin between my hands. How can he be gone?

_Life is waiting for you. Go find it._ I feel the grip loosening as the arms pull away from me. "No. Don't leave." I try to hold on, but he's slipping away from me, falling through my fingers. I can't stand it anymore. I leap to my feet and spin to face him, to see him just _one_ more time. Of course nothing is there. No one. My cheeks are soaking wet now with more tears joining them every second. Carefully I bend over and pick up the rose at my feet. The tape is running static now and I walk slowly to the player. Even the preacher has left and I eject the tape, tucking it into my pocket.

I pull out my cell phone, fumbling with it in numb hands and trying to dial numbers I can barely see. In a moment I hear Quatre answer with a worried, "What do you need?" It's nice to know he recognizes my number. I don't think I can drive myself home and tell him as much before hanging up. He'll be here in five minutes.

As I wait I look at the monument again. The angel I had baught looked so sad, forlorn, starring slightly down with a small frown. It had been all wrong for the grave, I know that now. Because now it is looking right at me and it's little mouth is smiling, ever so slightly. Wiping my eyes onece again, I walk away towards the small gravel road where I can just see a limosine pulling up. _Duo._ I stop, turning back to look at the grave one last time. I'm hearing things, there's no one there, just a smiling angel that I bought to comfort myself.

Quatre comes behind me and drapes his coat over my shoulders. I turn to him and smile, tears still rolling down my cheeks. "Can you take me home? Please?" He nods and takes one of my hands. I see him eye the rose with curiosity, but he doesn't ask and I'm not going to tell. At the limo I stop again and look back one last time. I can just make out the angel's wings from here and I swear I can hear a hummed tune on the breeze. "Goodbye, Heero."

_I love the angel. And I love you, my angel. _ I climb into the limo and let Quatre close the door. I roll the window down so I can still hear the breeze and I lay my head on the door. I can still hear the gentle tune and I smile and begin to sing along. "We're in the arms of angels. Heero, may we find some comfort here."


End file.
